Confessions in the rain
by PinkGloom
Summary: This has a little more angst than my other fanfics. More RemusTonks. A short story that takes place after the Hospital Scene.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I still hate saying that. 

This is more 'depressing' then my other stories…Ok, so it has a sad middle but I am a firm believer in happy endings so I will never let the characters that I control in a fanfic be sad….for longer then a few chapters. This is a couple chapter fiction of Remus/Tonks. I don't think I will ever be able to get my fill of them!

Authors note: This story takes place after the Hospital Scene after Tonks declaration…

Now my latest work of fan fiction….

It was raining.

It reflected his mood. Troubled, impatient, and sad. Too many emotions to put into words. Worry, was his greatest feeling though. Worry for a now gray haired witch named Nympadora Tonks. After her declaration of love for Remus in front of everyone in the infirmary she had quietly excused herself.

When she didn't return a few minutes later Remus also excused himself. Molly had given him a weak smile. She knew.

They all knew.

Now was not the time to be worrying about his own emotions though. Dumbledore was _dead_. He was never coming back. No amount of magic could even change that fact. Like Siruis, like James and like so many other friends…all gone. Never to come back.

As Tonks had left the hospital room he felt like he was losing her too. That she was never going to come back. That she was going to dissolve into the shadows and that he, would now have one more person to miss.

He continued to run in the rain. He had been looking for Tonks down the halls of Hogwarts, till he had stopped to ask a portrait of a women holding a poodle, if she had seen anyone walk by. She had answered that a lone girl had ran past her into the rain outside without even so much as holding a umbrella.

He knew instantly that it had been Tonks and he ran outside into the rain to look for her. He felt sick with worry and he felt sick with himself.

He alone had made this happen. If he could had made Tonks realize sooner that it could never work between them…There was no point in reminiscing now.

But, as Remus ran through the rain calling "Nympodora!" with all his might he couldn't but help remember the last time it had rained like this and what had happened under that cloud filled sky.

Owari

Maybe I am just getting lazy but I like short chapters. To tell you true fully I have been so full of ideas I start to write one down and then I want to start the other on half way through another. Don't worry. I won't be one of those people who never update or finish a story. I guess I just like it in short dosages…

Please take time to read my other stories though! Don't worry. This will have a happy ending…I promise.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing…It is a sad situation. SIGH

I am so glad to see that people like this fic as well, even when it is a bit more depressing…

IMPORTANT NOTE: This WHOLE chapter is a FLASHBACK! Ok, get it? Got it? Good.

WARNING: My first (in depth) kissing scene is ahead…BLUSH I still can't believe I wrote this. I have no shame

On we go…

Remus and Tonks had been enjoying a leisurely walk on the grounds around the Borrow… that was until it had started to rain.

This wasn't a little sun shower either. It was the type that one would look out the window, and refer to it as 'raining cats and dogs.'

Before it had started though, Remus and Tonks had been walking along at a slow pace talking about nothing particular.

Chocolate, favorite colors, most embarrassing moments and other things, questions one would ask a person that they really wanted to get better acquainted with.

Tonks had been asking most of the questions but Remus didn't mind. He liked just being with her. He had been trying to control his emotions lately around her, for he had started to feel a odd attraction to her and fearing it, had tried to keep his distance. Maybe Tonks had sensed his withdraw from her and that was the reason she had asked him to go on a walk with her out of the blue.

Neither one spoke a word now.

They had found shelter under a large oak tree when the rain had started. Both seemed to preoccupied listening to the rain or maybe they were too engrossed in their thoughts to make conversation.

How long they stood like that, Remus didn't know. He realized half-heartily that they could apperciate and be back in the Borrow in a moments time. But, for some reason he didn't fancy that idea much.

He caught a glance of Tonks in the corner of his eye.

She was shivering slightly. Her pink hair hanging limply around her shoulders. Remus could tell that she was soaked to the bone. Her shirt was plastered to her chest. He could see the curve of her breasts through the now transparent material. Slightly blushing at himself, Remus shook his head. What was he thinking? Was he so busy lusting after her that he could not even think once of her well being. What if she caught cold?

Remus cleared his throat to get Tonks attention. Her head whipped up to look up at him like she had been disturbed from a deep trance. 

Even through all the rain, Remus could tell that her eyes glistened not from it, but from unshed tears.

"What's the matter Tonks?" Remus asked in a tender voice, fearing that he might have offended her in their long silence.

"I'm sorry, Remus." Tonks started to say looking at Remus with a very sad face. "Even when I try and have a simple walk with someone it gets ruined some how. I mean can I do anything, right?"

Remus didn't know what to say but Tonks started to talk again before the silence became uncomfortable.

"Lately you have been acting differently around me Remus."

He could tell that it was hard for Tonks to get her words out in a calm voice.

"I thought I had done something to make you hate me. I mean, I am immature compared to you."

Tonks gave him a weak smile.

"That was why I asked you out for a walk. I figured I could ask you what I had done and apologize. As you can tell though I have been avoiding that subject."

Remus still didn't know what to say.

"I…I value your option of me. Very much, too much maybe" Tonks voice started to quiver lightly.

He had been such a fool! Having been so worried about his own emotions he had completely forgotten hers. This hadn't been his intention, to make her believe that he hated her.

Remus broke his silence.

"Nymphadora…" Remus started without even thinking about having using her first name. That was what he called her in his dreams and this certainly felt like a dream.

"No, the fault is with me." Remus stated simply.

Should he go on? Tell her the real reason why he had been treating her so coldly? The reason being that…

…he loved her.

No, that would never do. "Blame it on being a werewolf." His mind told him. It had always been a easy way out of awkward situations like this before but for some reason he felt like that excuse wasn't good enough for Tonks.

He could never tell her the truth though. Under no circumstances. That would defiantly make her despise him. He could see it all in his' minds eye. "I was acting indifferent towards you because I love you. I mean doesn't that make perfect sense?" He wanted to laugh cruelly at the irony of it. 

He had almost forgotten that Tonks stood right next to him, having been so absorbed in his thoughts.

He looked back down at her. She looked like a goddess. A goddess with bubblegum pink hair. Remus noticed for the first time how vulnerable she looked soaking wet. Like she would break into a thousand pieces if he tried to touch her. He wanted to protect her with his whole being.

His heart ached with wanting to reach out and touch her.

Embrace her.

Then as if reading his thoughts, Tonks moved to put her arms around him. She moved so quickly that Remus barely had a moment to process it all. He made no move to stop her.

Even through she was soaked by cold rain water she was still warm to the touch. He could feel her arms snaking around his back. He felt her warmth as she pushed her body against his. She didn't lay her head on his chest like he thought she was going to.

Instead she looked up into his eyes with a intensity he had never seen from her before.

Then even more quickly then when she had wrapped her arms around him, her lips were on his.

Remus could feel her warm lips on his. They were moist and sweet. How long had he been wanting to feel these lips? Was this really happening? Remus wasn't really sure.

Before he could stop himself he had his arms wrapped around her stroking her back. He pulled her closer and as he did he also deepened the kiss they were sharing.

He ever so lightly slipped his tongue into her mouth. It was pure bliss. Her tongue started to move against his. Remus found himself leaning against the tree for support. If he didn't, he felt for sure that he would fall down for his legs felt like mush. Then if that hadn't been enough she started to rub her body against his, her body rhythm matched the same rubbing motion she was doing to his tongue.

Remus let out a low moan. Then he started to rack his fingers over her back. Even though she wore a shirt and a bra, he could feel every curve of her. His fingers lingered on her bra clip absent mindedly as they kissed. He broke his lips from hers and started to kiss her neck. It was so soft. Remus started to nibble and suck on her ear, Tonks whispered his name in a voice so hoarse he couldn't almost understand her.

"Remus…"

He brought his lips back up to hers afraid of what she might say next. Remus wanted these few precious moments they had together to last for a eternity. 

OWARI

Blushes-OMG! I can't believe I wrote that! I hope everyone like it…  
I am quite proud of myself. Like I said that was my first kissing scene so please tell me what you think! I value everyone's advice! THANKS

PS long chapter, huh? I just couldn't seem to stop myself! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own…nothing again, and again and again.  
I love Lupin though…sigh 

Stuff foe 'April Fools' fic- I might be like 2 days (OMG) before I update it! Have no fear…I just want to have a really good prank for Siruis and true fully I am kind of lost as to want to do with him. If you want to e-mail me any ideas or sites with April Day pranks on them I would greatly appreciate it. I will give you the credit too…who do you think I am? Snape?

I also just want to add that I was invited to help write a multi-author story! I am so honored! I have only been writing fiction for only a week! THANKS, It wouldn't have been possible without your guys support!

Remus was violently shaken from his thoughts by a loud crack of thunder over head. What was he doing? He couldn't be wasting time like this! Remus ran faster through the rain with more determination to find…

"Nymphadora!"

He could feel his throat getting more scratchy and sore as he screamed through the rain.

She wasn't hiding from him was she? Another peal of thunder cracked over head. Finally realizing it was dangerous to be out in the thunder, Remus took cover under a near by overhead awning. "This is the astrological tower…" He thought to himself, his mind going a little fuzzy. Hoping that Nymphadora was smart enough to take cover also, he thought about what had happened in the hospital wing for the first time.

_"She doesn't care! Neither do I!"_

Remus was shocked to say the least. He knew that some of the order had known what had gone on between them but neither of them had ever mentioned it in front of anybody but themselves.

"I should have known it couldn't stay a secret forever." Remus thought while staring up at the sky for a answer to all his questions, "What will I do now?"

His plan had been to find Nymphadora but past that…

"What will I say to her? I don't think I can talk about 'us' again." thought Remus quickly adding out loud, "Or lack of."

That bloody kiss. It was its fault. It had been in the rain too. Remus still remembered it like it had been yesterday. Everything he had been trying to ignore for months had all exploded in that kiss. So warm, on fire. Remus got warmer at just the thought of it. The world had seemed like it was flawless during it, a feeling Remus had never felt before. Like nothing could go wrong. He had held on to that moment till,

_"I love you, Remus"_

Still staring up at the cloud filled sky, Remus let out a low moan. Those damn words. Why did Nymphadora have to say them and why did he have to reply before he could stop himself?

_"I love you, Nymphadora."_

After he had said that, she had broken the kiss and brought her face at a distance to look at him. He had seen love in her eyes then. Unconditional, love. He had been frighten because he knew what Nymphadora could see in his eyes.

The same thing.

The reality of the situation had hit him then like a violent wave then. They loved each other. But, it was a love that was wrong on so many levels. They could never do this. It was wrong.

Remus thought back to how he had removed his arms from her back and with a splatter of pathetic excuses had ran, much like he had been a few moments before. He knew he had just left her there, but he had to run. The feelings were too much. They still were.

Remus shuttered lightly as he thought back to how cold and unfriendly those first rain drops had felt against him, after just holding Nymphadora. He had been so warm just moments ago.

_"Why? I love you! Those excuses aren't good enough!"_

_"Why are you doing this, Remus?"_

_"Stop acting so bloody noble!"_

_"I LOVE YOU!"_

Remus could feel his eyes beginning to fill with tears. All their arguments had always ended with Nymphadora just looking utterly defeated. Like a dementor had sucked out all her happiest memories. He felt such guilt. But it was for her own good. If Remus just excepted her emotions, he knew there would be no turning back.

"She doesn't really want me." Remus said to himself, he had thought that so many times over the last couple of months.

Another peal of thunder shook his mind again.

"Please be safe, Nymphadora." Remus silently prayed.

OWARI

Sorry, I have to end the chapter a little faster then I wanted too. I woke up sick and need extra sleep before work. Please, understand. I will update when I get back from work (I hope), so please be patient with me! Once again, I love you all!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing, the my new fondness of chocolate and a large crush on Lupin. 

Important author's note: This chapter is Tonks viewpoint of the LAST CHAPTER! I think it would be fascinating…

PS Sorry, I am very sick now. But, I feel a strong commitment to make sure I keepat itand write or my brain will explode from my ideas. And who really wants to clean that up?

I think after this chapter there will be one more…  
However, I might be persuaded to write a bit about Dumbledore's funeral. I am such a tease!

TONKS POV----- for PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Another flash of light and a crack of thunder had told me that I needed to seek shelter.

Fast.

I saw a opening into a dark overhead passage and ran straight for it, quickly burying myself into the shadows. Before the storm and the darkness, would have had me going back into the hospital or at least in the hall near it. Not anymore though. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing _him._ I sobbed violently, thinking about what Remus must think of me now.

My body shook with silent sobs. Cold rain water mingling down my face with hot tears. My ears caught a sound in the distance over all the noise, it sounded like a voice.

"Remus…" I muttered. Great, I am now officially delusional. There was no way Remus would follow me into such a violent storm, after what I had done to him.

My predictions were proven false though as a figure, I would know anywhere, took shelter in the opening I had been in just minutes ago. I silently praised myself for hiding in the shadows. Even though I was completely hidden in them, a lone lamp illustrated Remus' features.

He looked worried and very deep in his own thoughts. That was most likely why he didn't see me right away. Remus had such a pained expression on his face.

"This is my fault. He must be thinking about how he can patch up what happened in the hospital wing. I really did mess up everything! I am such a fool!" I silently scolded myself for all the things that had I had done that seemed so rational just half an hour ago. Remus turned his head up to look at the sky.

I hated it when he looked like this. So old. So weary. Like he had nothing else to give the world. A look of totally and utter defeat. Had I been the one that had done this to him? My eyes pricked as tears started to gather in them again.

_"Or lack of."_

I heard Remus say to himself. I also let out a small gasp then but I managed to swallow it right before it passed my lips. "Yeah, my lack of everything. My manners, my morals…my wits." I silently told myself. For I knew what he was talking about, what else could he mean? He was disgusted with me.

I watched as Remus started to blush. What was that man thinking about? Remus let out a low moan. I heard it and shivered against my will. I had only heard a moan like that once before from him, it had been under a certain oak tree, many months ago. I watched still, staring at him now, as his eyes darted around the overhang, as if looking for some sort of answer.

I wish I knew the question.

My mind momentarily fluttered to thoughts about our one kiss. What I wouldn't give to do that one more time. No, not one more time. I wanted to kiss him so much, that I would lose track of the number of kisses shared between us. That wasn't all though. I wanted to make love to him too.

I, Nymphadora Tonks, wanted to make love, to Remus J. Lupin.

Blushing violently I torn my eyes from his figure, too embarrassed to look at him. I had had many daydreams about making out with Remus, but never that far. The thought stork me. Why had I never thought about it before? Maybe he was so revolted by the kiss that…

No, never mind. I knew the problems we were encountering now had nothing to do with physical attraction.

_"She doesn't really want me."_

To say that I was surprised when I heard Remus say that would be a huge understatement. What could he mean by that? Not want him! That was the most ridiculous thing that I had ever heard. Not want him!

I could take this no longer! I opened my mouth and a bolt of lighting broke through the sky overheard silencing me for a second.

OWARI

Short because that last chapter had been short! Makes sense, huh? Don't worry all will be revealed in the next chapter! WHEE PS. Very important author's note at the end of that chapter also.


	5. Finale

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I could own Remus…sigh…  
At least I can manipulate his emotions for my own selfish needs! 

**Please read my important author notes at the end of the chapter!**

Now the finale…

"I do want you Remus. More then you could ever know."

Remus jumped as he heard a voice from the shadows talk to him. Remus turned around and watched as the owner of the voice stood up.

It was Nymphadora Tonks.

He couldn't believe she had been there the entire time and he had never sensed her. The full moon was approaching fast and he usually was more aware during those times. He was just too tired and worn. The sleepless nights and hours of worry had effected him more then he had realized.

Tonks stood rooted to her spot for a moment in the shadows. Too afraid to approach him. She seemed to come to a silence resolve though and started to walk towards him. She came to stand just mere inches next to him. Tonks' robes brushed against Remus' arm.

Neither moved to break the contact.

Both just stared outside. Too afraid to say anything to each other.

"The weather makes me think of love." Tonks started in a unsure voice.

"Why?"

Remus watched as Tonks cautiously licked her lips and continued.

"The weather is sure thing that is going to happen. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Autumn. A never ending cycle. Going on for millions of years. A unbroken dance…"

Tonks eyes darted up to Remus' face and when she saw that he was paying attention she continued.

"Sometimes love can be violent, like this thunder and lighting. Cold like newly fallen snow. Warm and welcoming…like the first rays of sunlight after a storm. It is always changing. Becoming something new. It is different for everyone. Some people prefer dark to light. Some prefer newly fallen snow to the first flowers of spring."

Remus wondered what had made Nymphadora think about all this…  
"Tonks, what do you mean by saying that?"

He watched as her shoulders sagged slightly and she said,

"Remus, you seem to prefer the dark. Why?"

Remus Lupin had no idea what to say.

She thought he preferred the dark?

He found himself repeating her question,

"Why? What makes you say that?"

"You push me away. I.." Tonks hesitated for a moment but continued, "I know you love me and I can't understand why you are doing this to yourself and to me. Why do you want to be miserable? We can be happy together. We deserve to be happy together. I want that. Why don't you?" As Tonks finished Remus could feel her eyes resting on him, instead of the outside world. Why must she make this so difficult for him?

Remus continued to glare outside at the rain, silently refusing to look at Nymphadora.

"Tonks…"

"Stop!"

Remus still didn't look at her.

"My name isn't Tonks! It's Nymphadora! God damn it, Remus!"

Remus couldn't help but look at her now. A look of complete bewilderment on his face.

Tonks glared at him.

"But, you hate that name…?" Had he missed something?

"I know. You think I do, but I don't. Only you can call me it though. You call me 'Nymphadora' because you care about me. It singles me out to you. It's like calling me a special name, like 'darling' almost. So," Tonks glare intensified, "I am 'Nymphadora' to you…unless your feelings have changed.

God, if his feelings had changed it was only because they had grown stronger.

"Nymphadora…" Remus knew there was something more that he was going to say but the way her eyes had changed instantly from a glare of irritation to a glaze of love was too much.

"Don't look at me like that!"

Remus regretted snapping at her but this had to stop.

Now.

Even though he had said it millions of times before he said it again. Hoping that maybe this time it would have the effect that it was suppose too.

" I am too old for you."

"I like older man."

" I am too poor for you. I could never give you the things you deserve."

"I have done nothing special to deserve wealth. I don't care about material things."

"I am too dangerous. I am a werewolf, a dangerous animal."

Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Remus if you are a dangerous animal then I am the Easter bunny."

Remus let out a light chuckle against his better judgment.

Tonks gave him a heart warming smile.

This wasn't going how he had planned.

Suddenly her arm, the one that had been brushing up against his, moved and her hand went up to cup his check.

"I love you." Her voice was wrapped in love and honesty.

Remus realized she truly meant what she said. It wasn't a little crush or fling. She wasn't going to quit until she got her way.

Not now, not ever.

The feels in Tonks voice wrapped itself around Remus' heart and he felt a calm he had been missing, with out ever realizing it.

"Leave me alone, Tonks. I want to be alone"  
Maybe he had expected words of hatred to come from her next, a look of pity or slap in the face. Anything would have been better then what she did next.

Tonks' hand quickly recoiled from holding his check, like he was red hot to the touch.  
She just looked at him, without saying a word. A pained expression in her eyes. Tears started to fall down her checks in quick repetition. Then she ran.

He watched in stunned silence as she ran into the rain.

Lighting broke him from his thoughts.

He had to follow her.

What had he just done!

Acted like a complete idiot, that was how he had acted.

He had to stop fooling himself.

She was right.

They deserved to be happy.

He wanted more light in his life.

Remus was sick of living in the dark.

"NYMPHADORA!" Remus screamed, as he ran after her, with a new burst of energy.

He thought of holding her in his arms, kissing her over and over again without fear, telling her that he loved her everyday for the rest of their lives, seeing her hair bubblegum pink again. Remus felt an energy he had never had before.

"NYMPHADORA! I LOVE YOU!"

He watched as her retreating figure stopped and turned.

Tonks mouth was wide open in astonishment, her eyes wide, cheeks flushed.

She started to run towards him now.

He just stretched out his arms, in welcome. To welcome her home.

"Remus!" She said his name in a breathless squeal, as she pounced him.

They both fell onto the ground. Tonks landed on top of Remus as he went _splat_ in the mud that had been created by all the falling rain.

"Oh, god Remus." Tonks said while wrapping herself around his body. "You are the most difficult man I have ever met!"

A huge smile played on her lips.

"Nymphadora…Just shut up and kiss me already. It is very mean to…"

Tonks did as she was ordered.

Her warm body was pressing him into the wet mud. He didn't care though, he didn't care about anything then other then feeling her. He opened his mouth wide letting her tongue full entry to explore. He felt no need to hold back. There was no need to now.

Tonks' hands played with his hair, pulling lightly, stroking.

Remus' hands found their way under her shirt. He felt her warm back, indulgencing his senses with all she had to offer.

One thing was missing though…

Remus lightly torn his lips from hers and said in a husky voice,

"My favorite color in bubble gum pink."

Tonks just looked at him for a moment and then eyes gleaming with mischief, she closed them and changed her hair color.

"That better, love?"

Remus just shook his head and brought her lips down to his for another kiss.

Now he was kissing the Nymphadora Tonks that he loved.  
His tongue started to invade her mouth inspecting every corner. Drinking in everything.

He knew that she could feel how much he needed and wanted her, but he didn't care. He had no need to be embarrassed. He would feel her firm nipples pressing against him and knew her want was equal to his.

The rain feel on them drenching them but not making them cold. Nothing could break the warmth they both felt.

He started to kiss the side of her mouth and slowly made his way down to her neck. He could feel her arch to meet his lips. Remus knew he was sucking and biting harder then he should but…

"Oh, god. Remus, that feels so…don't stop." Tonks grabbed his hair and pushed his face back down to her neck.

Maybe it wasn't too hard after all.

He continued his assault on her neck and jaw, till she pulled his hair roughly so that his neck was open to her lips. He felt her tongue make circles on his neck and she started to nip at his ear lobe.

"Do you like that, Remus?"

"Yessss…" Remus uttered in a low hiss.

"Good."

God, she was cruel and he loved every moment of it.

How long they kissed he'll never know.

But one thing he did realize, a little while later, when he looked back at that day.

The thunder had stopped quite mysteriously when he had just said the words he had just needed to say all along.

"I love you"

OWARI

OMG! Do you realize how LONG this is! I hope you are all satisfied! I really enjoyed writing this…I love the end!

My confessions: The part with the weather being like love, that is a philosophy I have had for a while and I guess it just seemed to fit this story. I hope everyone understood it!  
PLEASE REVIEW!

**VERY LONG AND VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTES PLEASE READ!**

Ok, here I go.

I have been gripped by the holy ghost of all fanfic writing or the devil.

I am still debating.

My insane idea.

I want to write a story about Remus and his years at Hogwarts. All 7 yrs. Crazy, huh?  
I mean do it good too. Research, reading all 6 books again to get the feel they are written in. I mean do it VERY good. Like writing a novel about it all.

The only differences…

A. Try and make it a little more cheerful.  
B. Have Tonks been the same age as Remus.

I love Remus/Tonks (duh) So, I would want her in the story. She would still be able to change her appearance and be Siruis' cousin. I just want to include her.

I would have to do a lot of reading and such to make sure it was very true to what Rowling's has written about them. It would take me a month or two to start. But, I would still write other fanfic as I write that one.

It is just a big idea that I want serious feedback. If I get nothing then I won't do it. Or if everything thinks they wouldn't be able to read something that big. I won't try it. I have to get more then a couple of replies to do this. Sorry, if I seem rude.

Well, there it is! Please think it over and let me know what you think! _LONNA_


End file.
